Stuff like: instead of saying I wanted J to do something, I'd ask him if HE wanted do to it. Easy example, in the mornings: "Do you want to take your shower now?" (Translation: I think you should take your shower now.)
Stuff like: he would be ready for bed, teeth brushed and all, and I'd tell him, "I'm coming, wait up for me!" Then taking ten minutes to half an hour for me to wrap up whatever I was doing before I even started to change into PJs. This would delay his bedtime by 45 minutes most nights.
Stuff like: my first instinct being to disagree with everything he says before I listen to it Because I have this thing about, like, needing to be right and needing to be the only one who's right and needing to be the one who has the best right idea. Which means shutting out good ideas from other people. Which is a sucky way to be a participant in the human race, in that I make it hard for myself to cooperate with other people.
ADD PROBLEM:
Annoying and persistent but minor habits. Stuff I say "wrong".
ADD ANSWER:
Make it into a game with achievable goals and personalized reward levels.
In order to shift these little habits, I made them into a game. I estimated how many times in a day I might ask J "do you want to" and came to 2-3 times a day, and rounded it to 20 for a week.
Then I made a goal. Every time I consciously DIDN'T say "Do you want to," I'd get a point. Every time I slipped and it came out, I'd lose half a point.
If I earned 15 points in a week, I got to splurge on a few fun juices at lunchtime or a bath. Both of which are things I enjoy. That's the goal here - finding things I enjoy that seem appropriate for the level of achievement.
The bedtime game was even more fun. I made that one into a race.
If I was first into bed five nights in a row, I earned myself a back rub (which J volunteered to give). If I lost the race one night, the count reset. But if I won three back rubs in a row - these didn't all have to be back-to-back, so it was 3 x 5 nights, not 15 nights straight - if I got those 3 x 5 nights, instead of the third back rub, I earned myself a fun book. An urban-fantasy series called the Dresden Files were just the thing - I find the books very fun, they cost less than ten bucks, and each one entertained me for a good week, plus countless rereadings afterwards. Yup, I'm into that kind of thing! This was appropriate to my achievement, because I'd spent 15 nights doing good, so now I earned myself several hours of enjoyment and reward. Get what I'm saying?
It was also great that J was eager to participate. He sometimes made it into a playful race. Sometimes I did lose. And I also had the option to opt out if I was doing something very interesting or wasn't tired yet. BUT, I had to opt out in advance, not once the race had started.
After a few months, I'd a) read my way through the Dresden Files and b) started going to bed earlier as a routine, not a hassle.
That's how it worked!
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